If you are a faint of heart or below 16, then this post is not for you!
As of today, the way I fuck women is based on the following core aspects. Some of them should be clearly in the Integrated Man’s toolbox, some are more personal.
I love women. I love their feminine essence. I love their inner life force and aliveness. I love how easily they embrace their emotions and live at the edge of the present moment. I love their bling-bling flashy jewellery, their soft makeup, their fake eye lashes, their youth, their long hair, their short hair, their thin legs, their maturity, their asses, their necks. I love their smile. I love seeing them in the metro putting on makeup in hurry before a meeting.
And I love to fuck them.
When women are completely in trust and are fully surrendering to receive your masculine energy, they tap into dimensions that us men, at least to my experience so far, cannot really reach in normal waking state of consciousness. And I feel so grateful when they give me the chance to witness such intense moments myself thanks to our sexual union.
Love is always fully present when I fuck a woman, even in situations with low emotional investment in which I push hard for super-fast casual sex. Among the 5 love languages elicited for understanding how people express love, I use the following 4, by decreasing order of importance:
- Act of Service. I am more of a cock giver than a pussy taker. Indeed, my main intention is not to take pussies but to provide them with the gift of my cock. It implies that I will invest a lot of physical energy to give her what she needs and that we are aiming at long, intense, cozy, juicy sessions. It means that I must have full control over my sexual energy because ejaculating means to stop fucking her prematurely and I cannot afford it. I feel really complete and fulfilled when she ultimately doesn’t dare receiving me anymore, i.e., when I completely exhausted her sexual arousal to the rock bottom, and to the point of her crying or not being able to talk or walk properly. This is at least the end game and my mindset. But of course, such extremes do not happen so frequently, since I am not a super hero, nor I will push myself to please her if that’s not what I feel myself doing in the moment.
- Physical Touch. I just love touching women when having sex. With my hands, I love to softly and strongly grab her ass and her boobs. I love to gently and extensively stroke and massage her. Everywhere. I love to put my warm and flat hand on her neck, her chest, her cheek or her head, and keep the physical contact in conscious stillness for a while like if I was feeling her deeply. I love to hold her tight in my arms. I usually can’t stop kissing her in a very loving and soft way, her lips, her cheeks, her neck, and all her body parts if I am around. I love to suck, lick, and gently bite her lips and earlobes (a very erogenous part to lick in many women when they are aroused). I love to lick her skin with my soft gentle tongue. Not a physical touch as such, but I also love to practice long, silent and still eye gazing with her. Looking deeply at one another and seeing my partner from a place of no-mind can be very powerful.
- Words of Affirmation. When I feel like it, I verbalize positive emotions from now and then, via loving talk. I can tell her how cute and sexy she is, how beautiful it is to witness her openness and surrender. When I feel a strong emotional connection, I can tell her that I am pouring so much of my love in her pussy in order to fill up her whole body, and that I expand my love around her body so she can float in a soft and warm bubble of love and care. If I say it, I mean it.
- Quality Time. Having sex is always anchored to quality time with a woman, especially because I am very present during the whole process, here and now, with her fully (more on presence below).
Never ever I would judge a woman or shame her because of her sexuality or behavior when having sex with her. Being intimate with a man and getting penetrated can be a very vulnerable moment for a woman, especially for young unexperienced girls. It is my responsibility to make sure she feels safe and in trust. It is my responsibility to let her fully relax in her feminine and surrender. And if she is not, sex will not be good anyways, so it’s a win-win.
Some girls might feel a lot of shame if they leak blood or poo. If it is the case, I tell them that it’s perfectly fine and no big deal. And again, I mean it, since I actually don’t mind at all fucking a woman on her period, bringing back some poo from her when I get too adventurous, or I don’t mind the pussy farts when it gets super wild. All is cool, and nothing to be disgusted about her body.
I will certainly not be judging her wild and hardcore slutty sides since I’m all in for this kind of stuff. It is so juicy and beautiful to witness when a girl completely loses control and reaches higher and wild emotional levels.
I will not judge a woman who consciously loves to have a lot of casual sex with many men, whether it is one at a time or with all together, and whatever her kinks and fantasies. Good girl. She completely deserves to get fucked well, the way she needs and likes, to have a rich and empowering sex life, including a wide range of diverse experiences. Thanks God.
In my daily life, I sometimes spend too much time in my head analysis the past and worrying about the future. But when having sex, I am fully in the present moment, here and now. It is about nurturing and sustaining a strong awareness, about being totally mindful of my body feelings, emotions, sexual energies and desires. It is about being mindful of my partner’s state, and the evolution of our intimate connection at every instant. It is about co-creating a no-mind container for whole and raw embodied experiences where everything is welcome without labels or judgments.
At the beginning, it can be challenging for men to be fully present, especially for unexperienced ones who might be overconcerned by their sexual performance or fears to be evaluated by their partners (I have been there myself, I can tell you), but it is crucial to keep up practicing letting go of thoughts and logical thinking. Sex does not take place in the mind’s realm. Sex is chaotic, wild, raw, and can bring you to altered states of consciousness. It is powerful. For all these reasons, my sex life is integral part of my spiritual practice.
A critical aspect for sustaining presence is also fostered by letting go of the intercourse’s outcomes. And here semen retention, i.e., avoiding ejaculation, is my dear friend. When ejaculation does not become the intercourse’s end game, then I can simply focus on what is happening right now without thinking about where it should end up. It is liberating. More on semen retention below.
And breathing. Fuck and breathe. Consciously.
I am a very dominant man in bed, and that’s great since almost all women just fucking love it. It basically means that I am fully in charge. She has nothing to say about the way I fuck her. It’s my job to know what I want for myself, what she needs, and take the lead to act accordingly. In that respect, my sexual essence is strongly masculine.
A big component of my dominance is physical. I use my arms and hands with strong pressure to completely lock some of her body parts, her legs, her arms, her neck, her head. She is completely submissive to my every moves. She must let go of any wish to control the interaction and completely surrender to the way I want to take her. She has no choice whatsoever. However, it is also about finding the right and subtle balance between totally blocking her and letting her having her own space. And strong context awareness is crucial to adjust, depending on the arousal’s level.
Here are some of my dominant moves by increased order of intensity when we are both very aroused and things get intense: I strongly grab the back of her neck with my hand and lock her head in a specific position, sometimes completely pushed on the side to I face her profile, and I can fiercely lick her lips with the very tip of my tongue. I push fingers in her mouth. When she is laying on a bed, I strongly grab her legs with my both hands and pull her body towards me in a sharp blow (works very well to readjust a missionary position with strong dominance, she loves it). I initiate blowjobs. I hard French kiss her by deeply penetrating her mouth with my tongue and moving it like if it was a cock (can work very well combined with the associated verbalization). I choke her. I rapidly and dominantly go back and forth with my cock from her pussy to her mouth several times in a row. A variant of this one is to go back and forth quite rapidly from fucking her to licking her pussy.
A big warning here – Even though my moves are very dominant physically, I never reach my partner’s pain threshold. I am not at all into pain infliction. Some people do in BDSM practices and I believe it is a great tool for enhanced spiritual practices and reach altered states of consciousness. Indeed, when you feel pain and there is no possible escape, you must completely surrender to the present moment and it can be a very powerful experience. But it is not my thing. Actually, if I push my physical dominance too far and hurt my partner, it is a big turn-off for me, and it makes me quickly lose my erection and my presence by coming back into my head. And I also don’t like it since it means that I lost the monitoring of my partner’s state, and I don’t want this to happen when she can be in such a vulnerable position. Sometimes when peaking, a girl might beg you to fuck her super hard, but she might actually not be really ready to receive that much physically. When things get really intense, it is critical for me to keep a strong and sharp awareness on how things are going at every instant, and be very aware of the amount of pressure I put on her body. It is worth noting that if you are unexperienced and willing to increase your physical dominance with your partner, take steps smoothly, gradually, and anchor every moves with deep love and care for your partner. Even if I always put my needs first, my dominant moves are also always anchored to my partner’s best interests. Intercourse is always an interaction with another being.
Dominance doesn’t have to be always physical, it can also be emotionally created by verbalizing it. I verbalize strong dominance via dirty talk. More on that below, but basically in the context of dominance, I can fuck my partner gently while telling her how much I love to fuck her hard and push my hard cock deep in her. Even if it is not actually physically the case, it will raise strong emotions and fantasies within her about getting actually fucked hard, and so it does the job as well.
With regular lovers, I also express dominance by introducing from now and then diversity outside the bed, e.g., by penetrating her in my doorway, quickly after she walked into my place. Or on the kitchen’s table, the toilets, and the living room, whether it is standing behind her back, or wildly on the floor. They usually love it. When standing, and before penetrating them, women are usually very turned on when their body is squeezed against a wall or a closed door (you don’t have to apply a very strong pressure on her for this move to be effective, it is much more about the dominant intent conveyed here, and the emotions it raises in her). Some women will love having sex in public places or in nature (forbidden places are a huge turn-on for some women), but I don’t practice that so much from my side.
Sometimes, completely out of the blue, I also like to escalate sexually very quickly, penetrate her ravishingly for a very short while with some intense dirty talk, just to suddenly stop when she is super turned on. And with a cheeky grin on my face, I simply put my clothes back on. Without saying anything, I then proceed with what I was doing as if nothing had happened. I like the sneaky teasing of this move, and the funny confusion it creates in her. And it can also prepare her for what is about to come next in the bed later on, when some real business would go on.
Some last words about positions. It is actually very basic stuff for me since I spend most of my time on the missionary position and its variants. I just love the missionary. Also because I can kiss and touch her extensively, and I love to feel her body close to mine. Occasionally, I really like to go doggy style. Very rarely, I might put her on top of me (but this position tends not to work very well for me since when I start to lose control, I start to lose my erection as well, who is saying I’m a control freak!?). And that’s basically it. Nothing fancy here, no complicated positions requiring the balance of a 10-year yoga practitioner! I like and keep it simple. Finally, I don’t like to switch too much and too quickly from one position to another. I believe this idea is mostly conveyed by the porn industry, but it turned out it made little sense in my own practice.
My dominant moves are always delivered with some level of love and care. Many times in the middle of a turmoil action, even though I am sustaining its strong intensity, I combine it with soft and gentle touch and stroke with my hand, and gentle kissing. I want the woman to feel cared of, even when it gets intense. It is also important for love to be put in a predominant place in such a container if I want the woman to open up even more, and explore some potential uncharted territories together. When our intense session comes to an end, I stay by her and continue to provide love and gentle attention for a while. I don’t want our bodies to get separated abruptly, and I want to make the most of the cozy and affectionate time that follows. As we will see now, such intimate moments are also greatly enhanced thanks to semen retention.
Semen retention & sexual energy
In the last years, a significant aspect of my growth has been focused on embodiment by increasing mindful practices of my body feelings. For instance, I have been practicing open monitoring meditation and cold water exposure in order to train myself to feel more, and think less. So, it has been natural for me to get interested by mastering my sexual energy, and in particular by semen retention. The latter is the fancy term I use when I want to show off, which basically means to restrain yourself from ejaculating.
Brother, this is a big time topic that would deserve a post on its own for sure, but let’s elaborate a bit here. The main drawbacks of male ejaculation, as I see it, are the following, and let’s go bullet-list on this one:
- Semen production is a biologically taxing process for the body, energy-draining then, especially if practiced too much,
- It triggers significant increase and inhibition of hormone production, on the short-term, i.e., in the seconds that follows it, but also on the long run, in particular regarding testosterone (libido, focus, physical performance), oxytocin (social bonding), and dopamine (rewards circuitry), with the drawbacks to making you lazier and less willing to take actions and risks on the long run, the willingness to withdraw from your partner just after sex, or fostering of dysfunctional addictive behaviors enhanced by short-term gratification,
- After cumming, there is a refractory period, which is the time you need to recover before getting hard and fuck again, and this time increase significantly as you age,
- When you only orgasm by ejaculation, you don’t know that male orgasm and ejaculation are actually two separated events (even though, I have to say that I haven’t really experienced myself a full-blown full-body orgasm without ejaculation yet, despite quite a lot of practice so far),
- Cumming regularly makes you less aware of your sexual energy and its inner dynamic since you don’t let it accumulate, expand, and move in your body,
- When fucking, thinking about ejaculation brings your focus to an intercourse’s end goal, keeping you away from the present moment,
- Ejaculation can be used as a tool to quickly release accumulated tension from your daily life, and therefore tend to become a way to superficially self-medicate symptoms of deeper personal issues you might not be aware of, therefore making yourself less of a conscious man,
- It makes you lose your dominance and sense of direction with your partner: “When a man has no control over his ejaculation, his woman knows she can deplete him, weaken him, empty him of life force. She has won. When a man ejaculates easily, at a subtle level, she feels he cannot be trusted. This subtle distrust will pervade the relationship. She will not only doubt him, but actually act to undermine his actions in the world.” (David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man).
Wow, that was quite something, right?
So, I have been practicing semen retention for a while now, and it mainly involved so far:
- Specific Kegel exercises for developing my muscles between the testicles and the anus (the “PC muscles”). When contracted, these muscles are used to reduce my arousal when I’m close to the point of no-return, and redirect intentionally my sexual energy inward along the base of my spine instead of outward towards my cock,
- Learn to relax all other muscles when I am aroused, and breathe more consciously,
- Increase my body awareness and body feelings in order to let my sexual energy move around,
- Tremendous amount of practice with masturbation and sex deeply focused on my internal body feelings.
I am considering myself continually learning here since there is much more to potentially explore and experience, and it is still an on-going process towards increasing awareness of my body feelings. And it takes patience and dedication to practice these skills, people telling you that you can master them in several weeks are trying too hard to sell you a product.
Here are the main benefits I get so far from practicing semen retention:
- During sessions, I simply fuck much more, which is crucial for a cock giver (the more so an aging one) since I cannot afford to interrupt fucking just because of an ejaculation for God’s sake,
- It makes me much more present and conscious since I don’t hold expectations on where the intercourse should go, I follow the flow, and sex simply stops whenever my partner or myself is tired, or when my arousal naturally drops, generally not for too long thanks to not cumming though (I particularly like these “I’m-not-done-with-you-babe” moments, during which, completely sweaty, I have to rehydrate heavily while we are both catching our breath like crazy, knowing that naughty stuff is coming up again),
- Men tend to be willing to withdraw from their partner just after the ejaculation, as if we would suddenly lose interest in her, which I believe is an evolutionary strategy implemented by post-ejaculation hormones production, and most likely for biologically forcing us to seek new sexual partners and therefore spread our semen at larger scale. However, this doesn’t happen when you don’t cum. And this is a big one from my perspective. Indeed, instead of withdrawing from my partner, I nurture opposite emotions of affection and love for her. And I noticed that such nurturing does not take place only after the intercourse, but also accumulates and expends in my relationships with my regular lovers. As I see it, practicing semen retention might therefore be a way to transcend the biology of our sexuality, by nurturing higher level emotions of love and connectedness, instead of more primitive and instinctive strategies of mere survival. Let’s all stop cumming my brothers, and increase mankind’s consciousness by stepping-up our sex game!
- It drastically increased my awareness and ability to feel and move around sexual energy in my body. I manage to have strong and long sexual spasms moving like waves in my body without coming. If I finally, and consciously, decide to cum, I redirect the sexual energy in an explosive way right up my spine, and it is not uncommon that it finally blasts in my brains in a long and powerful ecstasy.
- Finally, it increases my dominance since I have full control of the process. She can beg for me to cum in her. I will not. And she will very soon realize that there’s nothing she can do about it before she completely internalizes the idea and don’t mention it anymore.
Some tantric practitioners advocate to never ejaculate at all. I consider such extreme advices to reflect nonconstructive rigid mindsets. If you want to let yourself go from now and then, and as long as it’s a conscious choice, then follow your intuition, and enjoy buddy. You can also try out not to ejaculate for a month and see what happens. Your practice might also change throughout time, experimentation and balance are key here, no need to be dogmatic. As I am writing this post, my current practice is to never cum when having sex, but to sometimes practice micro injaculations by masturbation (i.e., I micro ejaculate inside my body by strongly contracting my PC muscles, which also helps me to intentionally redirect the energy inwards – for the record, worth noting that injaculation might not be the healthiest to practise on the long run for some reasons though, but I haven’t found data really backing up this claim so far).
We are emotional beings, and as a matter of fact, sex becomes a much better and deeper experience when a strong emotional bonding is established with your partner. Sometimes such strong emotional connection is a prerequisite for the woman before she can completely trust you and start to open up sexually. If that’s what you want with your partner, you have to invest yourself emotionally in the relationship.
While having sex, when we are both in altered emotional states and intimately connected, it becomes a great space to verbalize emotions as well. And women are different than men in the sense that they desire to experience a range of positive and negative emotions. Therefore during sex, when she is aroused, it can be a big turn on for her when I alternate verbalization of loving talk with dirty talk. For instance, I would say how beautiful it is to watch her so cute and open (loving talk) when she is getting fucked like a slut by my hard cock (dirty talk). I just love talking since it also increases my own arousal and emotional investment, to the point that I sometimes can’t stop and end up talking too much!
I like to use teasing as well sometimes. I already mentioned an example above. Another move I like to use is when I am about to penetrate her for the first time, but I don’t for a while, or only very superficially. If she has been aroused by foreplay beforehand, she will end up begging you to fuck her.
The use of imagination in such altered states is also a great tool for generating strong emotions and arousal in your partner. There is a lot to explore here with fantasies. I personally often use the Gang Bang fantasy, in which I tell to my partner (when she has already reached an intense arousal level) that naked men are coming from all over the place looking at us. I ask her if she wants me to tell them to come closer. Then I tell her to touch their hard cocks and to take the ones she wants in her mouth. I would hard French kiss her to mimic that. I would ask her if she wants to get fucked by some of them. I would even mimic the transition from a man to another while fucking her. If the girl bites on such fantasy, it can be a very powerful and exciting experience for both of us.
I spend most of my time fucking in intense friction-based setting, alternating shallow and deep penetrations, at various intensities and frequencies.
I also like to give her quick small strokes when I am deep inside her to bang her cervix, at the very tip of her vagina.
When I am super aroused and in the intensity of the moment, I can sometimes transform myself into a wild panther. I would start growling and fuck her savanna style. However, I am aware that it is sometimes too much for girls to handle. Some of them, once the first surprised and scary phase is passed, love to witness this wild and raw side of mine though.
But I also love to have long sessions of soft and gentle penetrations, especially when my cock is super sensitive. I would very gently move inside her and play for a long while with my levels of arousal oscillating just below the point of no-return. That’s basically when I experience strongest sexual energies within my body. In these moments, I would ask her to heavily touch my body with her arms, I would kiss her passionately and intensely. During these moments, I can really tap into my softness deep within, and if my lover is strongly embodying her feminine, let myself be vulnerable. Letting the full expression of my vulnerable being in the healing and caring presence of the feminine. That’s powerful.
We can also be jointly in that space, and time seems to kind of stop. It has happened sometimes that I don’t feel anymore the boundaries of my cock inside her wet pussy, which gives me a deep feeling of physical connection with her body.
It is also nice to sometimes ritualize the intercourse by taking the time to prepare an unusual cozy space, e.g., by putting a mattress on the floor and surrounded by many candles and cozy lights. With a great music playlist in the background, you create this way a special container for quality time and deep emotional connection.
Finally, I also like to practice soft penetration, consisting in putting my soft penis in her and staying there still for a while. Pure affection and love in the stillness of the present moment.
Not in the clit business
Some men have PhDs in clitoris manipulation. Well, I am not interested. I don’t do clits. Too boring, too surgical. I only rub it during foreplay, usually after applying heavy saliva on my fingers (which besides the practicality is usually a turn-on for the girl as well, since it’s quite a dominant move), and not so long before starting further digital interior exploration. I might be tempted occasionally to rub it from a doggy style position. And that’s basically it. I would very seldom go down on her, just not my thing.
Not into kinky stuff
My sexuality is finally quite conventional, if I would resume it in one sentence, I’d say that I basically like to spend a lot of time fucking dominantly in the missionary position, that’s basically it! Boring, right? Well, I’m not really interested by complicated stuff, vibrators, objects in strange shapes, weird costumes, elaborated venues with top-notch gears, role playing, and beyond some basic spanking, BDSM does not really turn me on. I have experienced some light bondage, which I like, but more as a meditative practice than as a sexual one. I have a weakness for group sex though.
Sex is a serious business. It can be transcendental, it can be spiritual, it can propel you to altered states of consciousness and make you experience deep emotions. It can be deeply healing. But it also has to be fun. And playful sometimes. Fuck and be stupid as well.
Tapping into my feminine, but how?
As I already extensively described, I am very dominant sexually, and I completely acknowledge and embrace this strong masculine side of mine. However, implementing such a behaviour takes a lot of energy and conscious attention. Indeed, during sex, I must be strong physically and emotionally, and I must sustain a strong awareness of my body feelings in the present moment, monitor my partner’s arousal and boundaries. And it can be draining on the long run. In order to counter-balance the costing effects of my masculine essence, I need to tap sometimes into my feminine, and it is about letting completely go of control, and surrender.
I made two experiments so far. The first one was at a tantric workshop during which all men cross-dressed for a party with the idea to express our slutty feminine sides. It was a very creative idea, and it was fun. However, I didn’t manage to relax and surrender into my feminine while trying to express my feminine persona this way. And the idea of cross-dressing on a regular basis was not appealing for me anyways.
The best experience I’ve had so far, and during which I truly relaxed into surrender was the very first time I got tied. But didn’t have the same experience at all the second time. However, experimenting more in that direction, i.e., with light bondage, could be a good lead to follow for me. To be continued then.
To read also from this blog:
- I Love Looking At Women’s Asses – Consciously
- A Part Of Me Wants All The Pussies, And It Makes Me Suffer
- My First Experiences Being Tied