I remember very well that when I was in my twenties, I was used to look at women’s asses in the streets.
And I didn’t like it. I thought it was really creepy. I thought it was disrespectful for women. I used to beat myself up each time I realized that it was happening.
And oh boy, it was happening a lot, I can tell you. I had to rely a heavy will power to try not to change the direction of my sight in the very rare occasions when I thought about it before shooting. And in these cases, sometimes, I was kind of able to keep the potential target in my peripheral vision, and keep up the current position of my eyes and my head. When the target had finally completely disappeared from my vision, I could start to relax again, breathe, and celebrate my good behaviour. Yes, I was glad to think about myself as a good man, and not as a dirty bad boy with primitive ape instincts.
I was such a mamma’s good boy. A Nice Guy. But I was completely oblivious about it at that time.
It is only several years ago that I started to realise that beating myself up for looking at women’s asses was actually very dysfunctional.
We are complex creatures. Throughout our evolution, our brains expanded continuously, and new layers of higher level cognitive functions and social behaviours have been developed, on top of existing and more primitive ones. At a point, we started to organize ourselves within civilisations. We’ve been reaching more advanced stages of organisation, for which we invented laws, culture, and social codes on how to behave amongst modern humans in these civilised communities.
And as a good boy, I believed that I misbehaved when I was looking at women’s asses in the streets.
But the truth is that I was in denial of my own sexuality. I believed deep inside for some Nice Guy’s reasons that being a sexual being was bad. There was a lot of shame around my sexuality. I was hiding my cock. I believed that women didn’t like men who were too explicitly sexual with them, that only bad and unrespectful men were like that.
Oh boy.
This was big bad time when I think about it again now.
And thanks god, I did a lot of work for defusing these dysfunctional believes, and ended up finding out a sexuality that fits my needs and my personality.
I also consider that willing to not look at women’s asses is denying our biology. And since we are far away in our evolution as conscious beings to transcend it, it has to be embraced fully. Maybe in a distant future we will be able to reproduce ourselves by energetically fucking Absolute Consciousness in multi cosmic orgasms aligned with the chakras of the universe. Before we reach such a luminous stage of our evolution though, I am not ready to let go of down-to-earth juicy friction-based sex, and therefore embrace all side behaviours anchored to it.
Finally, in the last years, I have been practising Open Monitoring Meditation. It is the scientific term I use when I want to show off here, and give you the feeling that I really know what I am talking about.
Basically, it simply refers to practising mindfully the monitoring of your thoughts, body feelings, and sense perception at any moment, whatever you do, wherever you are. It is an absolute fantastic tool for those who strongly commit to the practise on a daily basis and on the long run. The practise basically means to come back again, and again, and again, to monitor yourself.
After a (long) while of disciplined practise, I have been developing a strong meta observer in my brain. The more my observer is active in the back of my mind throughout the day, the more it can catch on-the-spot and observe my emotions and thoughts that are being rolled out as they go, and as reactions to many, and potentially tiny, triggers. These triggers can be from external stimuli, or internal thoughts and ruminations.
This practise has been giving me SO much information about myself and my subconscious in these last years. I became aware of many dysfunctional, automatic, repetitive, and unconscious reactions from my body and my mind. Once these triggers and their reactions were brought to my consciousness, I could start asking myself why? And where do these reactions come from, deeper within?
It always starts with awareness, and continues with questions.
It is no joke.
This practise has been making me much more of a conscious man.
And it turns out that looking at women’s asses in the streets (at least the thin and tiny ones) was quickly and clearly identified as such a repetitive automatic behaviour by my meta observer.
Finally, thanks to these newly acquired top-notch skills, I can tell you what happens nowadays when I walk in the streets:
- Every single time, I notice on-the-spot when in my peripheral vision appears a potentially good (thin and tiny) target,
- My meta observer gets automatically notified by this important event triggered from my direct surrounding,
- Very consciously, I shoot, i.e., I choose to move my eyes and/or my head to actively start looking at the target in the best possible conditions,
- During the precious seconds that follow, I consciously enjoy the moment while staying firmly locked on the target, and feel grateful for having a great opportunity to witness such a gift from Creation,
- Optionally, I focus my attention on my body feelings, in particular on the juicy horniness potentially produced by this encounter,
- From my peripheral vision, I consciously monitor very quickly how the whole situation evolves according to all the other static and moving objects around, in order to compute an accurate estimation of a deadline until which I can stay locked on the target before it gets creepy,
- Just before reaching my estimated creepy deadline, I consciously unlock the target,
- If people around me just saw me actively shooting at the target, I couldn’t care less about what they could think,
- Optionally, I focus my attention on my body feelings, in particular on the juicy horniness that has been potentially produced by this encounter,
- I move on, and congratulate myself for being such a good boy while having fun.
I can tell you, it is much better to live as a conscious man brother.