When it comes to hitting on women, there are different types of game
Night game is when you chase women in bars and clubs, and when usually both parties (gamers and women) are under the influence of alcohol. The whole online pickup subculture initiated in the early 2000s that massively spread in the last decade all started at night. I have been attempting to practise night game in the past, but I never got good at it, nor really enjoyed it. In the time when I practised it, I was also much more scared of approaching women I found attractive. Indeed, even if alcohol might help breaking the ice of social dynamic, you still have to approach, expose yourself, and do the hard work. Not like these guys standing still like rocks at the bar, and passively looking at the menu without moving a finger. I am also an introverted man, not the best quality for nocturnal hunting. Indeed, game at night tends to be more flashy-bling-bling, since girls get loads of attention in these packed and highly sexualized venues, so you have to stand out. They also want to have fun and need to get entertained hard. Drinking alcohol regularly and loud sound systems started also to be a problem for me at a point. Even though I had a period during which I went out in clubs drinking only water “on the rocks”, which was very satisfying for giving night business the finger, the side benefits of night game became too low to pursue it, and I completely dropped it from my portfolio.
Online game consists in chasing women thanks to an electronic device. It was mainly mouse-based from the late 90s, so you were stuck at your computer. It became more recently massively thumb-based and mobile when apps like Tinder appeared on your phone. And it was a huge shift, since from then it became actually possible to chase women while taking a shit. Or at least, that’s what most men thought, a way to get laid from the comfort of your living room without having to deal with rejections from real life, these big fat slaps on your fragile ego. There are a lot of drawbacks with online game though. First, when an app reaches its peak of popularity, active men on the app massively outnumber women. Women get literally flooded by attention and messages from needy and creepy guys. So, if you are not in the top 10% of the hottest men with your very best pictures there, you will get a sore thumb before you can expect to go on a date. And most likely not with a good-looking girl. Expect to spend hours and hours browsing endlessly profiles after profiles and sending messages like a robot. And you know what’s the worst in that? All these device hours are No Value-Added time (NVA), meaning that the time you invest browsing does not bring you anything besides why you do it in the first place. You don’t learn any new skills, you don’t step out from your comfort zone, you don’t learn how to deal with rejection, and you might also get fat on the way.
Social circle game is when you socialize with your friends, with the hope that you will have opportunities to hit on their hot female friends who will get to know you and how great you are. This is the most indirect style of game around the place since your intentions are generally not transparent at all in the first place. Indeed, you don’t show up at the party with a big sticker “I’m here to get laid” on your forehead, even though it’s what most people around the place are actually looking for. So, it is socially very acceptable, and as a man you take very little risk of getting rejected since you generally escalate very slowly before asking her out. Sounds great? Well. First, if your goal is to have more sex with many women, some will start to know about your player’s intentions, which might be perceived as not socially acceptable anymore in some of your circles, or might simply reduce your chance of success. And beware of your potential exposure to drama if the word is spread too much behind your back. Exceptions to these drawbacks might be found in sex positive and polyamorous communities, but they are not the norm, and these structures function with their implicit rules and code of conduct as well. Another issue I have with social circle game is that you have to spend a lot of time in social situations as well, and I tend to find it boring . We are social being and thrive by spending time with our peers, so we can’t consider social time “No Value-Added time” as such. But sometimes, I like to tell myself that “I love mankind, it’s just people I can’t stand”! Joke aside, it turns out I much prefer spending time alone working on my stuff, or with my dear brothers (and my dear sisters as well) than in purely social environments. On a final note, I believe that social circle game is sneaky, since you don’t hit on women with clear intents, which is not very masculine.
And then, there is daygame
Cold approach and pickup in bright daylight. I make it direct by manifesting my intent from start, I come to her and say: “Hello, I think you look cute, I wanted to say hi”. That’s it. This style of game started to get momentum online only a decade ago, popularized initially from London. I wouldn’t be surprised that it had been around for ages though, most likely in Latin countries where people spend time living and socializing outdoor. A French man had already published a book about it in the mid 90s. But at the Internet era, these London nerds really pushed forward the social dynamic’s analysis behind daygame. And by relentlessly approaching women and exchanging know-hows and techniques, systematized and streamlined interaction procedures with women on the paved way.
But beyond the techniques and gambits, what does really happen in cold approaching? It is the phallic intent to get what you want out of nowhere, showing up with your whole being, while taking the risk to get hurt badly. Because you deep dive naked. There is no buffer between yourself and the risk of rejection. And this is fucking warrior energy man, where pain is certain, and rewards high.
At first, it fucking hurts
Especially as a beginner, you strongly feel the pain induced by cold approach rejections at two levels: at deep subconscious level from your reptilian brain, and from your higher sense of self. As mammals, the last neuro circuitry that we evolutionary developed in our nervous system is the branch of the parasympathetic nervous system that regulates complex social behaviours in safe environments (see Polyvagal Theory). And that’s thanks to this system that we spent most of our early modern humans’ time living together in small nomadic tribes until the very recent agricultural revolution. A more primitive part of our neurophysiology, the sympathetic nervous system, has been developed in the reptilian period, about 300 million years ago. Its function is mobilisation and enhanced action, the famous fight and flight physiological reaction. So, when a woman harshly rejects you, her facial expressions and vocalization is right away interpreted by your brain as threatening, and your flight and fight mode is triggered. Most likely because loosing social bonding in our nomadic tribes meant increase chance of isolation, and by extension, death. Your heart starts ponding, your hands get wet, you feel a strong energy being built-up in your body, getting prepared to face physically the upcoming threat for your survival. And no shit, this is very real man. For this reason, I would indeed agree that regular exposure to direct approach daygame might be perceived, at least until you become desensitised and more rejection-resilient, as the most dangerous thing you might get yourself into after getting into a fight and going to war. And it is the hardest social behaviour you might encounter. Between the moment I committed myself to do my first cold approach and the moment I actually did it, I spent almost two weeks in an anxious and quite depressed state of mind, thinking that I would never ever be capable of overcoming my fears of doing it. It also reminds me of this video of a great martial artist, tough guy competing at international level, who experiments with a coach his first cold approach in London. You can see him literally losing his shit under the pression of approaching, looking like a scared little boy. I told you, this shit is real!
At another level, rejections from direct cold approaches also threaten your higher sense of self, your ego. Indeed, you spent years developing and relying on defence mechanisms that led to your current sense of self. It is kind of optimally packaged around a sweet spot where you can survive and functionally live throughout your life without feeling too much emotional pain. However, the feedback mirrored by women rejecting you directly challenges this inner and fragile sense of self. And in a way, daygame forces you to quickly reinvent and adjust yourself to a new reality, more truthful, consisting in considering the world you live in as something much bigger than yourself.
Because of these reasons, the challenges raised by practising daygame perfectly highlight what kind of shit you have to face and deal with, as a warrior, along the way for becoming an integrated man. Basically, you must go get what you need, put yourself out there, despite your insecurities, beyond the perceived danger, beyond your fears. It is painful, it is emotionally draining with high ups and downs, full of doubts about being on the right path. But that’s how growth takes place brother.
Mastering skills, useful far beyond game
Getting in touch with my strong warrior archetype is not only what I love in daygame. The thing is, it has a lot of value by putting yourself out there when it comes to bettering yourself on so many aspects of your dating life and beyond. Just to name a few, you get to practise calibrating your interaction with women, so you escalate flirtation fast without being perceived as creepy. You have to learn to sustain strong eye contact when the only thing you want to do is to run away. You have to be aware of your voice tone and keep it low-pitch. You have to learn staying with strong uncomfortable feelings in your body while keeping up with the interaction. You have to stop being the nice guy, break rapport and validate the girl. You have to watch your body language and remain straight and open. You have to handle properly women’s shit tests. You have to clearly show your sexual intents and don’t hide your cock. And it turns out that all these abilities drastically contribute to make you a more masculine, fear-resilient, grounded, and balanced man. The more you put yourself out there, the more you master these skills, resulting in better success with women, but also in many other areas of your life. Exposing yourself naked in the face of adversity makes you stronger. And also in front of your employer, colleagues, brothers, or sellers. And definitely contributes to increased self-confidence, not based on unconditional motherly love, but on phallic and direct genuine feedback from your reality.
Daygame is also perfect considering that I am an introverted guy. When approaching women in daytime, you don’t need to do some flashy crazy shit. Interaction’s levels of energy are usually quite low and laid back.
Daygame has also the particularity to cast the larger range of women diversity that you can possibly think of compared to the other kinds of game. Just stand 5 minutes on a crossroads of a large city in the middle of its central commercial areas in the peak hours and pay attention to the flow.
And a great positive side-effect of daygame is that you spend a lot of time outdoor walking around, which is healthy baby.
Don’t get me wrong. On top of everything, I also love daygame because I love casual sex with women, and I am striving for keeping up a sustainable sex-abundant lifestyle. I love sexual diversity. I love younger women, hot women, older women. I love being surrounded by their feminine energies. And with some of them, I also want to build-up lasting and loving open relationships.